October 10, 2010 ( 10 -10 - 10!!) 12:41 am
~started a blog account which up until now is empty. Apparently my mind is too busy and full of school crap now to look at the world poetically. It's just too fast paced for me right now. (I'm actually writing an entry, right?)
Anyway, I know i should lay off the fangirling stuff. I'm suppose to graduate this March (which seems too far away T T)!!!...I just can't. Simply cannot do so. I'm too immerse to surface that easily. I am seriously addicted. It's not because of how they look (Fine. About 10% of this addiction is because of that) but because i get drawn to their craft. A life I probably wouldn't have. Well, I really don't know what i want but definitely far from what I'm trying very hard to get come this March. ( Oh no!..It really ends on June 2011!!!..waaahh!!) Yes, I'm jealous of what they do. I'm jealous of all the work they have to put in order to produce a song that their people will love. I am jealous of all the training and forever discipline they must imply in their daily lives. I am jealous of everything they do. Most especially the hardships, the sweat,blood, and bruises they get because after those, the satisfaction of doing everything they can pays off.
Fame is something scary but this might look like I absolutely love to have it. No. I am NOT jealous of that aspect. But who doesn't want to get famous, right?..pfffft!!.. What i really envy is the appreciation of the things they do. Their fans might be the scariest creatures on earth but I get why they love them so. Because they are the best confidence booster the world of fandom have.
I want to work on something I am passionate about. I love to do all the hard work required to achieve it. I'm willing to undergo the best of the best stress the world has to offer if I'm gonna get the best result I can possibly get. I miss that feeling...and that's what draws me to them.
People who know me knows that I don't look at the surface of anything. I get deeper that that. I just don't describe a plain white cloth as clean or white. I go to how fine it feels, how it drapes on something, how it's pattern of weaving goes to. I am that kind of person. I don't like it because it looks good but because it feels nice. It brings out the nostalgic feeling. I don't listen to how people describe an object,a song or a person. My youtube, facebook and twitter accounts attest to that.
I always appreciate how something progresses. It's the process of attaining success, not the price of the success, that I am jealous of. I love looking my messiest (if there's a word like that =)) while on the process. I don't usually care how I look like while I'm at it. I don't mind the back stage and all the dirty work because it's what defines the beauty of the after math. These sounds like I want to be a staff crew. hahahha...Well, maybe I do. I don't mind. And I don't mind the limelight too..kekeke...
I want to be like Goo Hye Sun ( Jandi, anyone?) She's an actress and she excels on her field. But she's a singer too and quite a good one. But behind all that, she's an artist first. And I mean a real artist. She's a painter, a writer and a director. Quite a handful, huh? And she's simply pretty too. She excels in all that. She's also the best of friends with the coolest people on earth. I have my own cool, great friends too so I don't envy her for that.
She's where I wan t to go. She's who i want to be. And I just realized it while I'm writing this right now.
So, if anyone will ask me why I am so obsess with these chinky eyed people, then this is my answer. If you're too tired to read then wonder forever. I won't explain this again..hehehe...
This entry is two nights in the process already ( not consecutively) so I probably should end this now.So....end.
~October 14, 2010 11:45 pm~
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